I didn’t blog yesterday. This is a good thing, as it would have been pretty damn bleak. I was deep in a long dark cocktail hour of the soul. Things are a little better today thankfully.
When I’m in the midst of one of my bleak moods I can get pretty damn low, but once I pull myself through the other side I feel annoyed at myself for being horribly self indulgent. I have a good job, a roof over my head, friends and family who love me and precious few worries in the grand scheme of things. However, in many ways I am not happy. I’m pretty lonely if I’m honest but at the same time I recognise I have to be ok in myself, before I will be of any use to anyone else. I need to know my own worth and not rely on others to validate me. I’m not sure if this is something I can achieve on my own or whether it’s time to call in The Professionals. Part of me thinks that would make a lot of sense, part of me says ‘wise up’, you don’t what real problems really are.
That’s a big decision and one I’m likely to think about for some time. However, I have already taken some smaller decisions and I do feel much better for it. I’ve decided not to do any teaching work for a little while. It will mean less money but I’m willing to trade that off for more time to myself, to do what I want to do – including train for the 10k. I’ve also decided that when I get paid, I’m going to make time and money for a little treat for me – probably a massage of some sort. I’ve never had one and I’ve always wanted one.
I do have 3 things to be glad about btw – told you I was definitely feeling more positive 🙂
1. The kindness of a stranger on twitter.
2 This bedlinen. How ace would it be to wake up under this duvet everyday?