I didn’t blog yesterday. This is a good thing, as it would have been pretty damn bleak. I was deep in a long dark cocktail hour of the soul. Things are a little better today thankfully.

When I’m in the midst of one of my bleak moods I can get pretty damn low, but once I pull myself through the other side I feel annoyed at myself for being horribly self indulgent. I have a good job, a roof over my head, friends and family who love me and precious few worries in the grand scheme of things. However, in many ways I am not happy. I’m pretty lonely if I’m honest but at the same time I recognise I have to be ok in myself, before I will be of any use to anyone else. I need to know my own worth and not rely on others to validate me. I’m not sure if this is something I can achieve on my own or whether it’s time to call in The Professionals. Part of me thinks that would make a lot of sense, part of me says ‘wise up’, you don’t what real problems really are.

That’s a big decision and one I’m likely to think about for some time. However, I have already taken some smaller decisions and I do feel much better for it. I’ve decided not to do any teaching work for a little while. It will mean less money but I’m willing to trade that off for more time to myself, to do what I want to do – including train for the 10k. I’ve also decided that when I get paid, I’m going to make time and money for a little treat for me – probably a massage of some sort. I’ve never had one and I’ve always wanted one.

I do have 3 things to be glad about btw – told you I was definitely feeling more positive 🙂

1. The kindness of a stranger on twitter.

2 This bedlinen. How ace would it be to wake up under this duvet everyday?

3. Disney’s Robin Hood. I think it’s probably the first Disney film I saw as a child and it holds a very special place in my heart.



About paddymade

Thirtysomething PR type, Northern Ireland born and bred, now residing in Aberdeen. I drink tea (a lot), swear (loudly) and craft (badly) This is my little corner of the internet, pull up a chair and get comfortable :)
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3 Responses to Help

  1. 5currantbuns says:

    I think I want to marry that duvet…

  2. That duvet is awesome – not having an Ikea around here is one of the few things which makes me want to drive (but not enough to bother learning).

    What an honest post. For what it’s worth, I don’t think non-specific unhappiness is any less valid than “real” problems; sure, it’s harder to explain to people who haven’t been through it, but I think it can also be harder to deal with – with “real” problems, you know what you’re tackling and what the recommended course of action is; if you can’t quite put your finger on what’s upsetting you, it’s difficult to know how to start addressing it. I hope you start finding your way through it soon. 🙂

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