The 2013 list

7. Write a completely honest post about how you’re feeling right now.

Parenting is hard.

Part-time parenting is harder.

Part-time parenting children who aren’t ‘yours’ is harder still.

Himself has a son and daughter, aged 8 and 6 respectively. I knew this before we got together, so I knew that if we were going to go the distance, I would have a role in their lives.

Some of the time they are with Himself, some of the time they are with their Mum.

Sometimes they make me howl with laughter, sometimes they can be unbelievably affectionate, sometimes they can be utter brats. Typical children really.

Having them in my life has brought about a whole new wave of emotions. Protectiveness – I will chin anyone who harms a hair on their heads. Worry (not a new emotion for me to be fair, just taken in a new direction) – Boy is autistic and I think a lot about how he will cope with the challenges life will have in store. I think about how Girl will cope with all that as well. Adolescence, hormones, boys (girls?)….it’s enough to make you want to have a lie down in a darkened room. Guilt. Oh the guilt, even when something as simple as a denial of chocolate brings forth tears of frustration.

Fear is a big one too. Fear of getting it wrong. Fear of causing upset to either (or both) of Boy and Girl’s parents. Fear of proving that I am somehow second best, that I don’t know them or understand them as well. Fear of hearing those killer words ‘You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my mother’.

Envy as well. Of the times I don’t have with them. Of the bits I’ve already missed.

However, there are other moments. The first hug. The first goodnight kiss. The first request for me to sing a bedtime song.

So, very hard. So, very worth it.


About paddymade

Thirtysomething PR type, Northern Ireland born and bred, now residing in Aberdeen. I drink tea (a lot), swear (loudly) and craft (badly) This is my little corner of the internet, pull up a chair and get comfortable :)
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5 Responses to The 2013 list

  1. 5currantbuns says:

    Enjoy it now…the teenage years are tough…instead of fearing “you are not my mother” you find yourself saying “That attitude is not acceptable…I am not your mother !” (I refuse to wait hand and foot on any of the boys (including my own son) because I have a fulltime job and a long commute…and I’m the only girl in the house)… but there are from time to time lovely moments…things to cherish

  2. lirazelf says:

    Something in my eye…

  3. lonestarsky says:

    Love this! My bf has a son and daughter too (3 and 6) and I find it really hard at times, which makes me feel guilty so its nice to know I’m not alone! Found you via Sarah – I’m doing the 2013 challenge too 🙂

  4. Beautiful. I have only the faintest idea of what it must be like – very faint; glimpses of it through a friend who is in a similar situation, who had always thought a man having a child would be a dealbreaker for her, but who now loves her stepdaughter deeply. I’m not even going to pretend to know how I would feel.

  5. Pingback: The 2013 List | Made by Paddy

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